Letter to Younger Self: What I Could Have Written if I Was Wise and Had Perspective
Considering my proclivity for thinking forward more than reflecting, I forget things and need hypnosis or tumeric to unearth whatever happened to me
Remember a decade ago there was a trend toward writing letters to one’s former self? Whatever happened to that idea? I was just about to write a letter to my former self in 2020 when all of a sudden it was no longer the thing to do. So, I failed on this one. It is an albatross that I bear with immense remorse.
The idea is to display one’s regrets for making certain decisions at critical junctures in life and rites of passage that come and go. It is a display for young folks to see and learn from. Or perhaps for some, this exercise may be about coming clean on past transgressions.
What else could it be? Bravado? Revisionism? Passive apologies? Odes to turmeric?
Probably all of the above.
Here is the thing: If you wait patiently, people die and you can forgive yourself as the dead cannot judge you. They remain dead.
The letter to my former self:
Dear Christopher,
It is 1979, you are thirteen now. And what are you doing with that sandwich? Peanut butter-embedded salami slathered with generous volumes of ketchup, strawberry jam and mustard on rye bread is a deplorable mixture, so much so it is illegal in France.
The French have a civil law against such a provocation.
Do better.
Appellation d’origine contrôlée is the shit
Young man, keep in mind that appellation d'origine contrôlée (AOC) is a label that identifies an agricultural product whose stages of production and processing are conducted in a defined geographical area. This is known as “the terroir.” This is about using recognized and traditional knowledge. The specificity of an AOC product is determined by the combination of a physical and biological environment where established production techniques are employed. You know, keeping it local.
Allegedly, together, these give products distinctive qualities. You know, Champaign is from Champaign, France, as is Bordeaux wine from Bordeaux, France and the same with Scotch Whiskey. Keep it local and distinct due to localized culture and expertise, unless you can mass produce it better than others.
“Pardon me, sir, do you have any Gray Poupon?”
Sure, French’s mustard is zesty upon the baseball park hot dog with the generous helping of fried onions, but please. Or, let’s analyze the offering.
The dignified Gray Poupon contains water, vinegar, mustard seed, salt, white wine, fruit pectin, citric acid, tartaric acid, sugar, and spice. As the Proclamation of Reinheitsgebot is to beer, the AOC is about purity for food products.
Whereas the American French’s Mustard contains not just vinegar, but “distilled vinegar,” water, and “1 Grade Mustard Seed,” whatever that means. There is salt — ya! But most compelling is the addition of turmeric, paprika, spice, natural flavours, and garlic powder.
Turmeric
Gray Poupon is a dijon mustard, from Dijon, France. You’d think they’d have this thing nailed.
But, alas, turmeric is the missing ingredient. The yellow spice is derived from the Curcuma longa plant. It provides several (anecdotal) health benefits for example, it is an anti-inflammatory. Give it a taste on its own, Christopher, you will grow to love it.
You won’t care about anti-inflammatories yet but heed the warning.
Turmeric also helps digestion, promotes brain health and mitigates some brain-related diseases. You know all those headers you take in soccer? And, guess, what, you will end up playing rugby, ball hockey and kickboxing. You are going to need turmeric.
The exotic spice also promotes heart health as the compound improves endothelial function, Googl….never mind… — you will need it as you navigate the stresses of this complex world. The super spice also fights cancer, mitigates cognitive decline, and helps depressive behaviours and mood disorders — so enjoy that dry gin and chocolate chip cooky, five-day hangover; have some turmeric with a tasty glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.
You know, kiddo, the aesthetically pleasing Curcuma longa belongs to the Zingiberaceae or ginger plant family. It is cultured widely in Southeast Asia throughout China and India. This plant grows to about 90 cm in height. Its exquisite broad leaves and yellow-coloured flowers display a distinction in the flora and fauna in its natural surroundings. They ripen in fleshy rhizomes or underground stems.
This way you can easily spot it in the neighbour’s garden, while you sneak off with the carrots and green onions.
So, Christopher, go ahead and coat that peanut butter-embedded salami and jam sandwich on rye with French’s Mustard — do it for the turmeric.
Who would guess that the Americans would outdo the French in a assaisonnement; nous cédons devant votre générosité? Eh? So long Poupon!
I hope this piece of advice informs your culinary explorations as you grow up during the uncertain times to come, especially when in 1985-1986, the Edmonton Oilers choke against the Calgary Flames. Yes, I know, what a shock, Atlanta moves to Calgary and the NHL buys some WHA teams when the league folds.
…no, you cannot smoke it (as far as I know), but if you must, throw it into the spiced rum concoctions that you will grow to like for a while.
Yours truly,
Your 58-year-old self (yes, you live that long, mainly due to decades of turmeric and yes, Keith Richards is still alive).
This is so much less painful than the letter I'd have to write to my self, which might best begin with a House, M.D-like "You idiot."